It takes less than 10 seconds for a child to decide if they feel safe with you. Back when my daughter was a toddler, there was a pattern I began to notice almost everywhere I took her. It usually started simply enough—with someone asking her name, making a bit of small talk, and trying to engage her in conversation. She is naturally warm and talkative, and usually responds without hesitation. But then, almost inevitably, came a certain kind of statement: “Okay, I’ll take your mom with me—she’ll come to my house,” or “Your grandma is mine now,” or even “I’ll take this toy home.” Often, with a playful smile. Just to “test” her reaction. And yet, in that very moment, I saw something shift in her. Her expression would change—subtly, but unmistakably. She would pause, look unsure, and instinctively respond, “No, I want my mom/ajji.” After that, she would withdraw, uncertain about this person who had just claimed they could take away the people she loved most. Sometimes, she would avoid ...